Let's End This Beautifully

man knapa gw jadi sering ngeblog sekarang.. nih gara2 helm di kantor gw dikit banget padahal jelas2 kalo mau ke lapangan harus pake helm.  I'm stuck now in this underground office padahal gw musti ke lapangan buat foto2 laporan gw nih. HUH!  yah luckily masih ada internet disini.  jadi bisa pake sepuasnya deh, meskipun sbenernya gw lagi ga ada bahan tulisan apa2 juga sih buat blog gw.

jadi gw mau nulis apa ya???

oya let's talk about people.

FYI setelah melewati berbagai uji eksperimental dengan berbagai obat2an, jarum suntik, hipnotis, susuk, operasi dan lain-lain, oleh psikolog gw digambarkan sebagai orang yang pintar dalam menilai orang lain.  Gw digambarkan sebagai orang yang selalu menilai sikap, sifat, watak orang lain dalam sepintas lewat.

Gw bisa menilai apa orang itu jujur, bohong, ceria, periang, pemarah, moody, plin-plan, tegas, keras, baik hati, rendah hati, sombong, pelit, cerewet, dermawan en so on en so on. Gw bisa menilai itu semua hanya dalam sekejap mata. 

Tapi akhir-akhir ini gw sadar kalo manusia itu adalah makhluk yang kompleks.  Sepintas mereka keliatan baik but deep down under their heart mereka adalah penipu. atau sepintas mereka keliatan galak tapi sebenarnya mereka orang yang pengecut.  Atau sepintas mereka keliatan pelit tapi sebenarnya mereka hanya sedang berhemat ria.  Atau sepintas mereka keliatan pekerja keras tapi sebenarnya mereka hanya memanfaatkan orang lain.  Atau sepintas mereka keliatan menakutkan tapi sebenarnya merekalah the true hero.

Selalu ada kebaikan dan kejelekan dalam diri setiap orang.  Gak ada orang yang bisa menjadi malaikat dan gak ada orang yang bisa menjadi setan.  bahkan seorang Nabi pun bisa membuat kesalahan.  dan seorang penjahat pun bisa menjadi pahlawan.

yah tapi kalo gw disuruh menilai diri gw sendiri, gw pasti bingung menjawabnya. karna gw dalam tes psikologi itu juga dinilai sebagai "change" person. Gw adalah orang yang mudah berubah.  Gw bisa menjadi orang cuek, perhatian, dermawan, pelit, talkative, pendiam, rajin, pemalas, dll.  tapi gak tau kenapa gw selalu suka sama orang2 yang senang menolong orang lain but they're not wishing that they get credit for it.  mereka nolongin orang itu secara diam2 dan gak berharap kalo perbuatan mereka itu diliat oleh orang lain.  i really wish that i can be one of them.  dan gw paling benci with people who badmouthing someone behind their back.  i mean if you have problems with them, you talk directly to them not by badmouthing about them with other people.  I hate that kind of things becoz when you badmouthing someone behind their back, you making itu sound as if the person who you badmouthing is the villain, the bad guy and you who badmouthing them is the hero in your story.  yah ini sih prinsip yang diajarin ama my late grandfather.  kakek gw adalah orang yang bener2 gak pernah ngomongin orang lain.  kalo almarhum punya masalah ama orang lain dia akan selalu ngomong langsung ke orang tersebut. hehe makanya almarhum ditakutin ama orang2 disekitarnya dan sering dianggap godfather.

yah kalo dipikir2 jangan gw berpride tinggi gara2 gen di darah gw yang isinya keturunan ningrat. yah gak bermaksud sombong sih tapi keluarga kakek gw isinya orang2 ningrat semua dan dulunya adalah penguasa Bandung, dari nenek gw yang jawa "katanya" sih masih keturunan temenggung mana gitu. yah kalo yang itu sih masih belum jelas.  tapi emang disayangkan di jaman belanda keluarga ningrat justru orang2 yang paling disayang ama Belanda biar gak pada berontak.  Satu2nya pemberontak dari kakek nenek moyang gw cuman Pangeran Kornel di Sumedang.  dan yang lebih freaknya lagi berkat lineage gw yang juga keturunan Prabu Siliwangi banyak anggota keluarga besar gw yang diikutin jin bekas pasukannya Prabu Siliwangi.  yang paling deket om gw, terus bokap gw juga orang yang sensitif ma hal2 begituan.  Masa pernah suatu saat out of nothing bokap gw nelpon gw "ri hati2 kalo bawa motor" and u know what besoknya gw kecelakaan...  yah gw jg kadang2 sih ngrasa sensitif kaya pas nyokap gw hamil gw pernah mimpi kalo anaknya bakal lahir perempuan padahal pas gw mimpi nyokap gw belum pernah cek USG. eh pas lahir beneran perempuan... 

yah tapi bisa aja sih itu hanyalah sebuah coincidence belaka.  atau hanyalah sebuah ilham dari Atas.  kalo mau contoh konkrit lo musti nonton L.O.S.T. dimana si Desmond slalu meramalkan kematian Charlie.  kalo gw jadi Charlie sih gw udah depresi banget kali soalnya gw tau kapan dan bagaimana gw akan mati.  untungnya kematian itu bagian dari rahasia Ilahi dan untungnya L.O.S.T. itu hanyalah sebuah film...

ah mana sih helm yang kutunggu2 woi!!! gimana nih laporan gw... huh gw pengen cepet2 selesai KP ini. capek. dan pengen cepet2 nyelesein masalah dengan orang yang satu lagi.. its irony how so fast your heart can change just becoz the one you really love do the thing you really hate.. So God please Let's End This Beautifully.  And i mean no offense to anyone who read this blog especially she who felt it.

Thank U 4 Your Consideration and Lets Get Back To Report.

Aree in and out. Buzzzzzz

God works in a mysterious way...

Another afternoon to lost in thoughts again...

Jadi gw penasaran knapa Allah works in a mysterious way.  Emang doa gw hampir semuanya dikabulkan, tapi kalopun tidak Allah pasti menggantinya dengan sesuatu yang kalo diliat sepintas kayanya lebih "turun" derajatnya daripada yang diminta tapi setelah beberapa lama dirasa-rasain kok malah kayanya lebih baik daripada yang diminta dan malah memberikan ilham atau nasehat ke gw.  yah mungkin lo bingung ama yang gw maksud, tapi u know lah.  banyak2 doa ama yang di Atas makanya biar lo ngerti apa yang gw maksud.

Kadang2 gw malah berpikir kalo doa gw itu gak akan dikabulkan.  tapi ternyata dikabulkan tuh setelah gw menunggu bertahun-tahun.  Emang lama, tapi at least it came too.  So gw bersyukur banget ama Allah atas semua karunia yang telah Kau berikan kepada hambamu yang sangat hina ini.

Contohnya kaya kejadian yang gw alamin baru2 ini.  Gw selalu berdoa kepada Allah, "ya Allah jadikanlah aku menjadi orang yang lebih dewasa".  yah gw emang sadar diri kalo gw tuh childish banget. Gw jarang ngomong serius, kebanyakan becandanya.  Mungkin karna gw gak pernah serius mikirin smua masalah yang gw punya.  Curhat pun gw jarang, karena tempat curhat gw yang paling baik cuman ke Allah dan Allah pasti memberikan jawaban yang paling baik.  jadi gitu kejadian yang gw alamin ini benar2 menyadarkan gw bahwa selama ini gw bukanlah orang yang paling baik.  Dan entah kenapa gw malah lega gara2 ada kejadian itu.  Soalnya abis kejadian itu gw marah banget (tapi gak sampai banting2 barang sih, itu bukan gaya gw hehe) dan gak tau kenapa abis itu segalanya malah menjadi lebih terang buat gw.  dan gw ngrasa kalo gw baru ngelewatin tahap pendewasaan diri.  yah moga2 emang beneran gw jadi dewasa.

Jadi maafkanlah aku ya Allah kalo aku kurang serius dalam beribadah kepadamu.  yah mungkin ini doa yang klise tapi Janganlah Kau bolak balikkan hatiku ini ya Allah.

Jadi ini adalah postingan gw yang paling serius untuk saat ini.  

And I'm really sorry if I've caused too much problem to my friends. hehe biar gw gak ada dosa ma temen2 gw.  Yah moga2 keangkuhan dan kesombongan gw bisa ilang for good.

And please Dear God give me a scholarship abroad.  Amin.

Chaotic Romantic Dream

Once upon a time there was a knight in a shiny armor.  He always says I'm the most brave, great benevolent warrior in this whole wide world.  Seems to him that there is nothing that can't be beaten by him. Until one day he found his most powerful foe and also his greatest weakness.

He found a girl wounded in the forest.  She was attacked by a gang of bandits.  Only she survived and she didn't know where the rest of her family are.  

The knight help to her feet and tend her wounds.  He's so sad about what happens to her and promise himself that he would watch her until she's fully recovered. 

So time passes, and the knight always help her when she needs a helping hand.  Talk with her when she needs to talk etc.  Until the knight suddenly realized that he has fallen in love with her.  but the knight is so proudful of himself that he can not express his feelings toward her.  He express himself akwardly to her that makes the girl confused with him.

Time pass to time.  The knight in shiny armor has rust his armor badly because of the lack of practice because the time he spent to watch over the girl.  And the girl herself has actually began recovering and start to make friends with the townspeople there.  

So one day the town announced that there will be a festival held in the summer.  The girl has been chosen to be one of the commitee for the festival.  And the girl has also been appointed to play some role in the festival drama.

The knight vowed for himself that he will watch the girl's play for anything that happens.  I have to watch it, he said to himself.

Until one day the king appointed the knight to fulfill his duty in another town.  It makes him really sad and depressed cause he's not gonna be able to spent another day with the girl.  he realized that he will miss her so bad..

so the day of departing comes and the knight comes to the girl to say his final words.  but bitterly because of his proudful pride again nothing good comes out of his mouth and the moment was sour.

So the knight departs with his heart stuck in his hometown.  He fulfill his duty in his new town with eagerness hoping that it will make him forget about anything else. well, it didn't work.  The knight always hoping and praying that someday he'll meet her again.  But he's just to stubborn and proudful again to even give her a call or whatso.

Well one day, out of nothing the king give the knight vacational days that was near to the day of the town festival.  Wow he thought to himself, this must be fate.  So he comes home to his hometown with a blossoming heart to meet the girl who he's been missing so bad for some months.  

Unfortunately, the girl who he's been missing so bad has changed.  She's now really cold to him.  Nothing came out from her mouth when she's near him.  The knight is really confused with this situation.  what happen? he ask to himself.  Has he done anything wrong?  but the knight still can't ask her for anything that happens to her coz he has a great pride of not to humiliate himself.  

So the day of the festival comes.  The knight watch the show eagerly with some of his friends.  The play was fabulous.  It was a perfect show.  The knight really appreciate the effort of the hardworking townspeople to make the festival really charming.  And he watch the girl play.  Somehow he noticed something.  She's not an ordinary girl.  She's a princess. A princess from a really glorious kingdom and family.  

The knight tried to meet her after the show.  but he never meet her, coz the princess is still in euphoria after the show.

So the knight met her in the morning.  He tried to praise her for the show, but nothing comes out of his mouth.  He's to embarassed to even praise her because the knight's not so good to even shows his feeling.  So the girl or should we call the princess was brought back home by her royal family and leaving the knight again with her cold attitude.  Fortunately her royal family are kind people and they even ask how i was doing.

Well a scene comes into action.  The girl who he love so bad now makes fun of him.  So the knight has finally realized that the girl has never had a feeling for him.  And the knight realized that to love a princess is just a really chaotic romantic dream... And so he had lost the battle and regret that why does his heart made out of steel..

Yeah well not all story ended happily ever after right hehe.